


write another letter

by someitems



Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: Continues ~with wings~, Getting Together, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-18
Updated: 2018-04-18
Packaged: 2019-04-24 11:48:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,351
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14354832
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/someitems/pseuds/someitems
Summary: "Even if Javi won’t be there in person, Yuzu has to put him in the guidebook. It would feel wrong to leave him out, like coming off the ice without sayingthank you."





	write another letter

**Author's Note:**

> I'm still not over the sweet, heartfelt things that Yuzu wrote about Javi in the CiONTU guidebook (or really, any part of that show, but especially the guidebook). This story is what I decided to do with those feelings.
> 
> Shoutout to sophiahelix for suggesting this idea be a fic, and not just me rambling in DMs. 
> 
> Title taken from "A Letter to Myself" by the Chi-Lites, a band that is exactly as dramatic, sappy and delightful as these two.

Yuzu plops down in his desk chair and opens his laptop. He’d been on the ice at the Cricket Club, running through some stroking exercises to test his ankle, and when he’d gotten out of the shower and checked his phone, he had a semi-cheerful, semi-threatening email from his manager, reminding him to write the blurbs for the skaters who were appearing in his ice show. _As soon as possible, so we can send them out for their approval,_ the email had ended, and Yuzu had sighed. So much for more practice that day.

The cursor in the blank document blinks ominously at him. He drums his hands on his desk, thinking. He has to get this right. These are more than just bios—he has to explain why he invited these skaters, what he took from them and what he wants to pass on to the next generation. Why they’re important to him. 

Eventually, though, he gets into a rhythm, thoughts and feelings flowing out of his fingertips. What it was like to watch Evgeni and Johnny when he was a little boy, heart bursting with hope that he could win medals one day. How it feels to work with Jeff and Shae-Lynn, the way they’ve taken jumps and steps and spins and turned them into _him,_ , somehow, understanding things about himself that he hasn’t reached yet. The fun times he’s shared with Takahito at competitions, how glad he was to have such a strong senpai looking after him. Yuzu’s not great with words—he can’t get them to express the same things he can express with an Ina Bauer or a flick of the arm—but he thinks he’s doing pretty well, considering. If he’s left out anything important, he can skate it at the show, and people will understand.

He saves Javi’s blurb for last. He’s still not sure if Javi will be able to make it to the show or not, but he’s writing something anyway. When Yuzu saw Javi a couple days ago, cleaning out his locker at the Club, he’d mentioned something about media obligations in Spain, and doing promotion for his own ice show in the fall, wringing his hands apologetically. Yuzu understands, although it’s a little disappointing. But even if Javi won’t be there in person, Yuzu has to put him in the guidebook. It would feel wrong to leave him out, like coming off the ice without saying _thank you_.

Yuzu takes a deep breath and starts the blurb with the very beginning: watching Javi’s jumps, strong and clean and sure, an indelible image that flashed in front of his eyes when Coach Nanami asked him, “Where do you think you might like to train in the future?” Yuzu can still feel what it was like to covet that quad salchow, the low-burning hunger in his belly.

Yuzu writes about the biggest surprise of his life, the first day he showed up to practice at the Cricket Club. He’d come to Toronto for many things, but one of them was to keep an eye on his rival, and he’d figured out a plan for working with Javi. He’d be polite and professional, to keep the rink free of negative energy. But he wouldn’t give too much away, nothing that Javi could use against him. He’d keep his distance. 

But when Yuzu walked into the rink on that first day, Javi had smiled like the sun and opened his arms for a hug. “I’m so glad you’re here,” he’d told Yuzu. He smelled like aftershave and sweat, and his hug was firm and strong, and for ten seconds Yuzu’s new-kid nerves melted away. 

From then on, they never looked back. They were competitors, of course, but that mattered less than Yuzu ever expected. He and Javi cheered each other on during grueling practices, picked each other up off the ice after falls, shared highs and lows and podiums all over the world. They gave each other something they didn’t have anywhere else—the knowledge that your closest equal respected you, the fire of seeing someone on your level achieving great things, the daily companionship of a brother in arms. Yuzu’s chest aches, writing about it. The Cricket Club will still be his home now that Javi’s gone, still full of people who love and support him, but it won’t be quite the same. 

Yuzu’s fingers are flying across the keyboard. He has to add something about Pyeongchang, too. He’d come off the ice in a flurry of relief and joy, certain he’d done enough to win the gold medal, but he’d still felt on edge as he watched Javi’s performance, wincing when Javi doubled a planned quad. After Sochi, Javi had been despondent, doubting himself. Yuzu didn’t want to think about that happening a second time. 

When the scores came out, putting Javi in second with only Shoma to go, it brought tears to Yuzu’s eyes. Finally, after all his hard work and struggles, Javi had the result he’d always dreamed of, and Yuzu got to be there right next to him. Standing on that podium with Javi had been as satisfying as skating Seimei, as good as another gold medal. 

Yuzu’s vision blurs, his eyes brimming over, and he can barely type the last sentence. He puts his head in his hands when he finishes and lets more tears fall, for the end of these six years. Saying goodbye to a time Yuzu’s treasured. _I’ll miss him so much. There’s never been anyone like him._

After a couple minutes he pulls himself together and takes a deep breath, wiping his eyes on his sleeve. He reads over what he’s written. It’s like seeing his heart laid out on the page, bare and open, full of things he didn’t even know were there. He reads it again, and again. 

It dawns on him, suddenly, what’s different here. Why he has to have Javi in the guidebook even though he’ll most likely be on the other side of the world, when he hasn’t done that for Brian or Stephane or a dozen other people who are missing his show. Why he cried just now, why every time he thinks about the Olympics or the medal ceremony or the gala it’s like a heavy weight on his chest. Why he hasn’t even been able to think about Javi leaving, putting off saying goodbye as long as he can. He’s never had to pin it down before, what Javi means to him and why, but now that he has it’s unbelievably obvious. Yuzu is in love with Javi. There’s a decent chance Yuzu has been in love with Javi since that very first hug. Yuzu has never felt so stupid in all his life.

“Shit,” Yuzu mutters. What is he supposed to do with this information? He has no idea if Javi is back in Spain or not, but it seems likely, since he hasn’t seen Javi around. He’s not going to be training with Javi anymore, which seems like a cruel joke from the universe. How is he just finding this out _now_ , when it could be months before he sees Javi again? Yuzu didn’t ask for these feelings. All he wanted to do was write the blurbs for his show—

Before he can second-guess himself, Yuzu opens a new email and types in his manager’s address. _Here are the blurbs. Please have them translated if necessary so the guests can read and approve them, and send them along._ He hits send and then slams his laptop shut, heart pounding. So that’s that.

Yuzu spends the better part of the next two days pretending that everything is normal. Sure, it turns out he’s in love with Javi, but apparently he’s been in love with Javi for a long time, so nothing should really be different, right? And maybe the feelings in the blurb are only obvious to Yuzu, or everything incriminating will get lost in translation. Maybe Javi will read it, approve it and go on his way without ever thinking about it again. Besides, Javi’s probably in Spain right now, taking naps and eating too much and whatever else he does on vacation, and he might not even look at his email for ages. Yuzu’s better off not thinking about his feelings ever again.

This resolve lasts until the middle of Wednesday afternoon, when he gets another email. _Blurbs have been translated and sent. Thank you._ His heart rate spikes when he reads it, every fear he’s been suppressing rushing in with full force. Javi is going to see his feelings, every last stupid one of them. He’s going to see them in Spanish, a language which is fifty times more romantic than Japanese, and it’s going to look exactly like the declaration of love that it is. And then it’ll be awkward between them, or else they’ll never speak of it, or else Javi won’t even open the attachment, or… 

Yuzu turns the possibilities over and over in his mind until they’re all jumbled together, a mess of noise and nerves. He needs to stop thinking for a while. He leaves a note for his mom, grabs his backpack and heads to the Cricket Club. Lessons are over for the day, so he should have the ice to himself.

He only gets as far as the lounge. That’s where he runs into Javi, who’s sitting in one of the armchairs, staring intensely at his phone and biting his lip. Yuzu stops abruptly, an “Oh” of surprise escaping his lips. Javi was the last person he ever expected to see. 

Javi glances up at the noise, then startles when he sees it’s Yuzu, standing up quickly and coming towards him. The expression on Javi’s face is hard to place—overwhelmed, shell-shocked, in the grip of some deep emotion. 

“Yuzu,” Javi says, and his voice is rough.

“You still here,” Yuzu says. “Everything okay?”

Javi doesn’t seem to hear him. “I got the email. You wrote that blurb?”

“Yeah. Not in Spanish, I mean, I have translator for that—” He’s babbling, nervous.

“It’s the nicest thing anyone’s ever said about me,” Javi says, and all of a sudden Javi’s arms are around Yuzu, holding him tightly. Yuzu hugs back, his face coming to rest on Javi’s shoulder. 

They stand like that for a while, not saying anything. One of Javi’s hands is at the small of Yuzu’s back, thumb rubbing in slow, idle circles.

“I didn’t know I was so important to you,” Javi says, after a while. 

Yuzu swallows hard, a wave of guilt hitting him. “Was I bad to you?”

“No, never,” Javi says quickly, stroking Yuzu’s shoulder soothingly. “I just—didn’t know it was so much, you know?”

“I don’t know until I write it down,” Yuzu says. “But it turns out, you really important to me.” His throat gets tight, and he can’t say anymore.

“Oh, Yuzu,” Javi murmurs, gentle and sibilant, turning the _z_ to an _s_ in that way Yuzu secretly loves. “You are really, really, _really_ important to me too.” He squeezes Yuzu tight on the last _really_ , and then he doesn’t say anything else for a long time. Their arms are still twined around each other. Yuzu never wants it to end.

Finally, Javi pulls away a little, so he can look in Yuzu’s eyes. “When I read what you wrote—” He stops, restarts. “It seemed like more—like something else—” His eyes are searching Yuzu’s face, looking for something. His expression is tense. “How exactly am I important to you?” he blurts out. 

Yuzu reaches for the words, can’t get them out. So he does the next best thing. He brings one hand to the back of Javi’s head, stroking his curls, and kisses him, firm and deliberate. Javi breathes in through his nose, a high, frantic noise, and then opens his mouth to kiss back. His kisses are as sweet and tender as everything else he does, his mouth warm and welcoming. Yuzu’s heart soars.

Yuzu’s panting after a few minutes, and when they part Javi looks breathless too. 

“That was what I was hoping you meant,” Javi says. His face has softened up, the line between his eyes disappearing.

“Wait,” Yuzu says. “You feel this way too and don’t tell me?” 

“Well, I didn’t know that’s what I felt. But then I read what you said about me, and that’s when I realized.”

Yuzu laughs. How long have they been blundering around like this? “I should have write these years ago,” he says. 

“Yeah, then we could have figured this out while I was still around,” Javi says with a sigh. “We have the worst timing.”

Yuzu stares down, his heart clenching, wishing there was something he could do to change this. And then, with a sudden rush of warmth, words finally come to him, and with them clarity, just as when he was writing. 

“You know what theme of my show is, right?”

“Yeah,” Javi says. “It’s about how you stole all your best stuff from poor, defenseless old skaters.”

Yuzu smacks his arm lightly. “Shut up, I’m serious.”

“Okay, fine,” Javi says. “It is about getting things from others, though, right? And sharing them with the next generation. Taking them into the future, that kind of thing.”

“Yeah, that's it,” Yuzu says. “So I think, what do I want to bring from Javi into future?”

“Quad sal,” Javi says, automatically. 

Yuzu shakes his head. “You. All you—all _of_ you. I want you in my future.”

Javi’s eyes go soft, melting with fondness. Then he smiles, a beaming grin that takes Yuzu back to his first day at the Cricket Club. “Good,” he says. He pulls Yuzu back in for a slow, lingering kiss, his hands caressing the nape of Yuzu’s neck. Yuzu rests his forehead against Javi’s, eyes closed.

“I don’t know yet, how to,” Yuzu says. “I just don’t want to not have Javi.” 

“We’ll figure it out,” Javi says. He chuckles. “Maybe we just need to write it down.”

**Author's Note:**

> I have to send and receive documents for approval all the time as part of my ~day job~ and it would be way more exciting if some of them were accidental declarations of love. so in some ways this is also id fic about a world where waiting on people to email you back is dramatic and emotional. we all cope in different ways
> 
> find me on tumblr at someitems.tumblr.com


End file.
